GP from Very Californian™ fund: ”It’s absurd. Or is it a joke?”

App-steroid vs Bookiesaurus

High Odds this would have been his natural reaction. Or from blue collar worker that checks emails at Very Californian fund.

High Odds there will be no reaction from GP. Because my pitch will not face GP. It’s too [you name it]. I’d name it “dope”. Or “Californian”.

I heard early stage start-up funding is all about [underrepresented] [overlooked] [multi-$€£-exits] founder and is all about her story.

And at this point, the reader of my pitch will find increasingly hard to cope with mental overload needed to grasp on all of “under” and “over” — this is absurd or this is a joke.

Founder

A guy from the beach hut on Jurassic Coast, fired from Bookiesaurus gambling corporation for, among other things, serious insubordination (noun, Eng. “dear manager, go and manage yourself”).

Now he’s “doing sausage rolls for a living” with a killer argument “because who does not like sausage rolls?”, while fundraising, “self educated” in strategy/branding/marketing.

So called “self-education” is “tweets, articles and books”

on brand salience by Mark Ritson,

on how brands grow by Byron Sharp & Jenni Romaniuk,

on long vs short by Binet&Field,

on ideas that don’t make sense by Rory Sutherland,

on System 1 & System 2 by Daniel Kahneman,

on predatory thinking by Dave Trott.

But after you check his tweets filled with drugs and porn references disguised as “communication” by @traineedealer, it’s 1 of 3:

a) “Our micro-dosing VC fund policy auto-excludes macro-dosing founders”

b) you just don’t give AF about deluded lunatics

c) OMFG, this guy really needs help from a specialist, not funding

High Odds you’d like to introduce “this overlooked/underrepresented founder” to the partners

Nevermind his Jurassic brand story:

App-steroid vs Bookiesaurus

Your short, quick and dirty auto-answer (before you proceed further with this intriguing proposition to divest LPs cash) is “unfortunately because of high number of submissions, we are not able to reply to all applicants”.

Because 3 out of 3:

a) you’re not a fan of sausage rolls

b) you’re looking to make a career in venture capital/not looking for chances to embarrass yourself

c) California knows how to party

OK, now coffee.

“BETCHAPP rhymes with California ketchup” — Kelly from California

Did you know, that Brits spend more money betting on sports and playing slots on their phones, than high street coffeeshops?

Online gambling industry is a Jurassic Park filled with Bookiesaurus, that it’s both — absurd and a joke. And there’s App-steroid coming from Jurassic Coast. Also is a £6 bn cherry pie(chart). And ketchup.

Mainly double jeopardy law

Meanwhile, Boris Johnson and Co. says something like “dear start-up founder, do not rock the boat or try to disrupt London Stock Exchange listed corporations and do not expect any help with start-up loans”. He gives no start-up loans to industries such as guns and pornography. And sportsbetting (branded) apps.

But there’s always a place in the business for another billionaire, like Richard Branson and his VirginBet.

Online gambling industry welcomes another billionaire start-up founder. She bootstrapped

Now, £6 billion go to Bookiesaurus online. Mainly because of double jeopardy law — people consider a tiny set of larger more familiar brands they have been seeing on high street for decades. Not that those brands made any memories or associations…

  1. Head marketers (some say very effective) from Bookiesaurus brand about disposable brand ads on Marketing Week:

“[This] is a very aggressive, very competitive category. There are a lot of big brands spending a lot of money. But when you look across those brands and how they execute, pretty much everybody is doing the same things in the same ways, just with slightly different pictures and slightly different colours,”

Same all, same old, same odds (Big pile of dinos*** and small pile of dino*hit)

2. Spent a lot on bland building. Sea of sameness. Little to zero memories.

“We don't spend billions on distinctive brand assets so we simply advertise a category, or worse — competitors”

3. Of course, their CMOs know about it. And previous CMOs knew about it. And new CMOs after 3 years will know about it. To assume nobody will change anything is a safe bet.

So, there’s only one line of risk to fund — marketing.

Which means making the ads, that impossible to ignore. And impossible to identify wrongly. Than keep refreshing bits of memories and associations.

If a customer will remember you, for whatever reason, he will consider you.

If a customer will not remember you, he will not consider you.

That’s regardless how you and other brands are perceived.

Make Me Remember You. In the business of building memories. Enormous. Meaningless. Distinctive.

Because, according to Mark Ritson, building brand salience is 70% — 80% of marketers job.

Not doing anything easy to digest, remember and retell.

This might be low risk and high returns bet in a growing market worth billions.

So, is this absurd or this is a joke?

Now, what brand was in that ad where fist pumping with slogans including word “fun”?

P.S.

“BETCHAPP rhymes with California ketchup” — Kelly from California

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App-steroid vs Bookiesaurus at betchapp.LA

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